All Kinds of Jazzy Shit!

Charlie Gordon likes cool kids.

"I know I shouldn't hang around the college when I'm through at the lab, but seeing the young men and women going back and forth carrying books and hearing them talk about all the things they're learning in their classes excites me."

That is why we are having Cool Kids by Echosmith today.

“Intelligence is one of the the greatest human gifts. But all too often, a search for knowledge drives out the search for love. This is something else I've discovered for myself very recently. I present it to you as a hypothesis: Intelligence without the ability to give and receive affection leads to moral breakdown, to neurosis, and possibly even psychosis. And I say that the mind absorbed in and involved in itself as a self-centered end, to the exclusion of human relationships, can only lead to violence and pain.”

I think, of all the virtues I lack in the world, empathy is the one I lack the most. It could probably because I am young, selfish and unkind at the moment but part of myself tells me that I could just get on it when I am older and wiser. Right now, I reckon that, in my early 20's, I have to focus on my own self improvement and growth. 

“Intelligence and education that hasn't been tempered by human affection isn't worth a damn.” 

When I got time to think alone, I realized that I have been so desensitized that I don't even notice that I am starting to neglect the people I love and I hate. Anyway, I finished Flowers for Algernon (Daniel Keyes) a week ago and have reflected some of my views in life. The feeling was amplified actually, by the book. I feel that little by little, I am being benumbed by adulthood and my youth - my innocence and probably my honesty and sincerity, is gradually being swallowed piece by piece by my future older self. And you probably noticed. I did previously post some things that seem off and sullen.

I won't mention much about the book. I don't want to spoil it. It's an easy and fast read. You should be fine. The gist would be Charlie, a mentally challenged person, had been writing these progress reports as a means of documentation of the enhancement experiment done unto him. As he progresses in this experiment, he improves and becomes smarter and ultimately learns about adult things and learns to actually become one. It ends in a sad note where he realizes that sometimes however many languages you speak or however many awards and recognition you get, without the ability to recognize the people around you, you ought not to be content and happy.

“The only question now is: How much can I hang on to?” 

Not everyone agrees. I used to think I don't need anyone but my sister. I soon realized that my sister has her own life to struggle strangle with. She has her own set of friends and has her own universe to traverse in and I got to have my own one as well, and I need a different set of friends too, a different set of activities, and probably, a whole different set of clothes (haha!). 

“Because I want to see. I've got to know what's going to happen while I'm still enough in control to be able to do something about it.”

While I'm young, I feel that I need to start ahead and get things straightened. Or at least, get my life ready to be lived in. I can't just stay inside the house and watch my life through the window.

“I don’t know what’s worse: to not know what you are and be happy, or to become what you've always wanted to be, and feel alone.”

And lastly, here's some RAC!

Keep busy and move.

Song for the day: Until We Meet Again by  Tonik Ensemble

Listening to Yaarrohs

Sometimes it helps to distance yourself from where you belong. Had to go far away to look closer into my self.

Now that I'm back, I feel like I've left a piece of me someplace else.


I finally got to look into myself. It was empty. I have no motivation. I have no desire. Is this sadness? I need to look somewhere else.

And I did. It's nice to have company every once in a while. Friends make you feel good. Friends and vices make it better. Friends with good advises and vices make it all well, even for just a moment.

Until next year, I'll see you again.

It's sun down but my day ain't over.

Oligee's Sketches 1 - this is my exit music.

When my day is almost over, I play this song in my head.



It's nice when my days end well. When my days don't end well, I listen to this song and think over and over that I am so blessed to be given a chance to take part in activities that probably some others do not even get to do and that there are some things I can't do or is not within reach at the moment but will be if I try harder and wait longer.

"You'll get there, eventually" A friend would say.

Do you have an exit music?

Edith Piaf - Non, je ne regrette rien

...sometimes.
To set the mood I have here tracks from C R W N. His music sets a really subtle intimate mood.


More of the intimacy with the environment and the things around. Not just towards people. A little like how Tycho or maybe Spazzkid. or Stwo. or maybe more of Speak.

At the same time, I was also reading this book, Bird by Angela Johnson. It's about thirteen year olds running away from several things. They then have come to realize how to deal with heart breaks and not romantic heart aches. One boy would be dealing with the death of his younger brother. Another boy is dealing with growing up with a congenital heart disease. I'll stop there. It's a short book. One of the phrases that stuck with me though would be

"Nothing Makes You Feel Good sometimes".

Yes. Nothing feels good.
Reminds me of a theory I had when I was in 10th grade. People go about their lives empty. With a hole in their heart. Throughout people's lives, they look at several things to fill in that emptiness - the opposite sex, hobbies, games, work, travels and other less amicable platforms such as alcohol, smoking and drugs. Some people, those who never tried looking got stuck somewhere with the wrong key in their socket. Those people end up unhappy or wanting more. Some people find the right fit. Some people find nothing, which is for me, better than having something totally unnatural.

Reminds me, 2 weeks ago I was scavenging through heaps and heaps of audio over the web and I came across some really interesting music and podcasts. I also re-stumbled upon Radiolab and got to listen to a podcast related to nihilism itself.

http://www.radiolab.org/story/dust-planet/

I'm curious I'll probably get a copy of this book.

In the Dust of This Planet. Catchy!

I've been into Radiolab for a while now. For maybe 2 years already? Radiolab is a podcast of different natures with a mix of science. The hosts, Jad and Robert, tackle several topics in a very sensational way of storytelling. My favorites would be the shorts. Those shorts are backed up by some spectacular writing and intense sound effects and it just brings so much emotion compared to other ordinary podcasts. Have a listen. Don't worry about the science parts, they explain it so well that I think, even if I were only 10 years old, I'd still understand what they are saying.

Ohh. I'm starting to love late mornings alone.

Here we have a screenful of colors,
With smiling made up faces,
Shining seamless wears,
And synchronized body movements.

On cue one - entrance clap,
Unending friendly hellos.

On cue two - lined up glass bottles,
Unending beer refills.

On cue three - pure white dust,
Unending boom of invincibility.

Follow banal patterns -
Pixels scattered and checkered.
Beating lines rising high and low.
Non-stop blinking boxes.
Eyes closed and then blackness.
Whistling in the dark.

"We promise you,
You'll be all better."

Today's playlist: CAZZETTE and Knife Party

Infinity Shred's good music have set a nice studying mood today.



I want to know and learn so many things. I am a hungry dragon seeking for knowledge. To know, for me, is to feel secure and grounded. To know, for me, adds value to the self and hopefully, also to the soul. It feeds me and I am greedy. I lust for books, for articles, for videos, for information. Maybe one of the reasons why I enslave my talents to the information industry.

I am curious and it could kill me. But I have to continue on reading, I have to beat on and continue to know. It brings me so much excitement to know. It fills me and at the same time it makes me hungry. It outbalances and balances.


I want to know who, what, how, when, where, why. I want to know. I want to consume so bad that I fear that I am consumed by something bigger that someday I'll know about.


And I forget other things. I ignore other things. Other things that could be or not be important to me but is relevant. But I can't stop.

It's such a gratifying feeling to know that someone else in this world loves you unconditionally and would be so horrified to live without you. I can't help but be happy.

The simple words and actions, the small deeds that someone else does to tell you that you are cherished and loved makes the heart overflow with joy.

"...it seemed that his heart would be shaken out of his body so great was its ecstasy."

I wish everyone to feel the same.

Heartfelt music by Wyatt
Honest title from Damned by Chuck Palahniuk
Happy quote from Call of the Wild by Jack London

I am as busy as the rain clouds today. So many people and things to rain on today. I'll just dance through the night until all work is over.

I am busy yet I am happy. It's a nice happy. I'm also excited.

So many things to learn. I need to catch up.

I just finished a book over some warm pandesal yesterday. Blink by the Malcolm Gladwell. It's a great book for marketeers. I'll talk about it soon.

Can't stop moving, we gotta go and seize the night.

After I get through today's work, I will play Watch Dogs Til' Dawn...

keep my Eyes Open until I finish Act III.

But before all that, I need to Get It Together,

do my best and Seize the Night.


Good music from Foxe Basin
Good remix from Tobtok
Good bread from Pan de Manila

No dream can last forever,
unless this chase becomes a fever,
Not a sickness, more of a disease.
A false sense that we can do things with ease,
A false thought of gleeful aspirations,
A false hope on getting there with no altercations.
Nothing can be done in a breeze,
You're there in an indefinite freeze,
While others progress in leaps and bounds.
Time to sleep on cold ground.
Envy tastes so bitter on the tongue
Carry on and come back in a bang.
Get up, you can't wait much to long


Some thoughts up above
Some Herman Hesse on the title
Some EchoDroides to listen to

I have nothing on my mind.



No worries. No skeptics. Just fresh rainy season air.



It's a dark and rainy day here in Manila. It's all cool and cold.

I heard a storm is coming over again. Be safe everyone!

But I haven't figured it out.



Alas, I need to re-examine myself.

I need to realize my short-comings before I bite the bullet.
And before it's all too late.

Ah, decisions, relations, and inhibitions.

On the side note, congratulations to Germany and the winning goal scorer, Mario Gotze. I really wanted Germany to win the FIFA World Cup 2014.

I'm listening to MTNS today. Such a cool and minty music for a cool and breezy day.

A while ago, a guy friend asked me how long does it take for girls to get over anyone/anything. He's in a quite a stupor right now. The gal he's dating seems to be stuck in dreaming of reconciling with her ex. She's still in a daze of her previous relationship which was purportedly also the girl's best friend for a long time. Rad. I told him to decide slowly and think on how much she likes this girl. But if this ensues, have an honest talk and confess on how awkward it is for him to be dating some one who still seems to be taken by someone else. Anyway, I hope him good luck.

From my experience, I realize that the best way to get over anything is to be busy with something else. When I have something interesting on hand, I usually lose track of time. Well, I can't speak for everyone. Only time can tell.

Lost Track of Time


It really is all up to you. For some people, they have a hard time moving on because of their own fears and insecurities.

Fears


In the mean time, enjoy the music of MTNS

When I am not able to listen to music, more likely, I will lack motivation to do good. It's a mental thing and I know, I need to learn. But having a beat in your head that you can follow to while moving about your business at work and at home is really helpful.

I am very simple-minded to the point of naivety. I take joy from simple things and I prefer looking at things in it's simplest, truest form. I like doing things with less, maximizing all means, utilizing my time well.

I feel that in doing things, whether it be cooking a traditional meal or jogging, the simplest method is king. I think I get far more substance with it as well. I feel more fulfilled with taking enough, rather than being overwhelmed with too much. Having too much just complicates my psycho. I don't know what to do with it.

The more I know, the more I feel that I don't know. The more people I am with, the more I feel alone. The more food I eat, the more problems I get health-wise. The more meds I take, the more I feel weak. The more groups I belong to, the more I feel that I don't belong. The bigger the house I get, the more it feels less like home. The more cash I get, the more needy and poor I become. Is it just me or does this age just necessitates multiple layers of complexities - of misunderstandings?

Things, events, relationships are there for a purpose and isn't that purpose all that's there is to be. It's always better to have that reset button where things, people, events, become just the way they are supposed to be.

It's strange how everyone just wants more.

Maybe it's Time To Realize the real purpose of things and stop and focus there.


My mom said once, the best way to know if an ice cream company has good quality ice cream is to taste their vanilla ice cream. She said this because if you find joy in it's simplest truest form, it probably is a really good ice cream.

Up there is a Vonnegut flavored Title and some fluffy Lemaitre songs

Phew. It's been a while. I have nothing new on me right now. Just a thought or a side note that things I want can't all be mine. I need to learn to wait things out. For it to bear a sweeter fruit. I'm too hasty. With everything. Whether it be in baking, relationships, the stock market or in my career, I need to wait. I need the right timing.

Well, when everything's looking dim, I could just always submerge myself into deeper thought by listening to music.



Here's a a product of my devastation over losing things because of not waiting.

The Stock Market
I have no problem with you.
I don't mind your looks, nor your romance books,
It's just you don't give a flying fuck
whether you're stepping on someone else's luck.
Greedy Grinch, who can't be in a pinch,
We'll it's just game, we try, we lose and face the shame.
Praise God when we earn some gains,
Curse him when we lose the reigns.
But hey, you're free as a bird,
You have a brain to think and observe,
Don't go about on whatever's been heard.
And you can't blame me nor the Father Almighty,
Wolf, it just had to be.
Dang, I really feel bad for letting go of that DD.
The Society, people together for sobriety
but unfortunately, there's you and me,
Selfish and giddy,
who just can't help it but watch and be folly.
It's over. Enough.
All throughout I was smiling,
Well, bets are down, with regretful growls,
Too bad, fool, you thought you were winning.
You can't always win like the Gracies.

P.S. Chuck Palanhiuk's Rant on Title

Change always happens for the better. Maybe I'm a little too optimistic but I believe that the changes that have driven to be at the present are meant to be. I'm not saying everything is destined. It's a question of being. I think, it's just, those with the power to will things have willed things. Those who have ignored or failed to command their lives have let others, may it be other people or just certain events, will things for or against them.

It's so wrong to feel apathetic towards people with less but that's just how I feel right now given the economic restraints and the political awareness needed in my country at the moment. I feel no remorse nor any kind of pity for people who beg for a living. I feel no pity because they don't have self-respect.

I admire people who have very limited economic freedom and was born in such a lowly position and yet do not juxtapose themselves as pitiful. They are penniless but still full of hope and strength. People look down at them but they humbly and courageously look up and make their climb up the ladder. They live on and work hard for their own and their family's futures.

They have dreams.

How easy is it for you to trust?

trust #staystrongexo 

Could we all stop for a short moment and appreciate La Roux's new single Let Me Down Gently which is finally on soundcloud.


Not all people agree but I think she's timeless. I mean, besides from Robyn and Madonna, she one of those people I go back to and listen. She's one of those people to watch out for. She has her own style, her own genre and I think it works!

The lyrics though, they're golden. No matter how people say that her music sounds weird or off, her lyrics are golden. I think this is one of the main reasons why I really like her songs. When I listen to her, I just can't but leave the repeat button on.


One of her more popular songs, Bulletproof, thanks to Anna Kendrick and the film, Perfect Pitch. I bet you haven't heard this original version. Don't mention it. You're welcome.
I heard she did have some trouble somewhere but who am I to judge. I'm here to appreciate good music. This last one is my favorite. A remix of her In For The Kill by Skream.

There are times when you are up all night working/slacking because you can't sleep. When insomnia strikes you at the wrong hour, at the wrong day, you're left with nothing but a wandering mind and tired still open eyes.

Nande Wakaru No, Mr Little Jeans

Weather is belligerent.
Feedback is abominable.
Work is suppressive.

Got my phone stolen. Got scolded. Had a bad hair cut. Shit happens and I know I don't have a reason to complain. What do I know. I shouldn't be too hard on myself or on anyone.

Listening to the fuzzy Cashmere Cat today. I haven't had enough sleep lately and so I tuned in to Cashmere Cat songs. They helped!

• Nari
• Mol
• Ka-Yuki
• Okino
• Karma
• Geco
• Kaji
• Zain

I like Zain's art a lot. I do follow him at deviantart. Here are some links to his works.


Capsule by zain7 on deviantART

kitchen by zain7 on deviantART



They're unique and psychedelic. I can't imagine how his color combinations work but they do.



And this is not my cat. It's a stray cat I found while walking.

Don't forget to check out Cashmere Cat and the artists! They're great. Bye-ni!

As per previous email, at the moment, I am really snowed under and I'm deep down there.



Have you ever had those days when you thought things were going the right direction only to realize that you're the one going on the the wrong direction? Mistakes, I keep on doing them. And I've been doing them unconsciously over and over. I got to redo things because I redid things I shouldn't have. This is why I've been so busy. Dang, I feel like I haven't slept for weeks. So this is how it feels like to be busy and living? I never felt so compelled to work so hard and at the same time yearn for more sleep. I guess I feel more like an adult now.



Well, people do need something to keep on going on right? I got myself listening to Last Lynx. I really like their song Killing Switch though I like their other songs too. Wow, it's been more than a year since I got to know them.


I like that they're versatile. They keep changing up their music (in a good way). I feel like they always give me a different vibe every time they release new music. They're like that friend who changes his or her image every time a break ends, comes back looking better and mature all the time.



This time Last Lynx gives us more pop with a littler dark indie overtone. I do like their usual funk just like on Killing Switch but I think this works too.

I have been slacking deliberately for the past few weeks. That's why I have not been showing up here or anywhere. It's not that I don't want to do anything significant. It's just work has been unruly and I've trying to change gears lately in my life. Now I'm just waiting (though still continuous) for my efforts to grow.

I want to do so many things let alone achieve things in my life.

I want to provide for the people I love. To cook for them, to furnish them a clean and safe home, to spend more time and enjoy some leisure hours with them. I've been cooking more lately. I've been missing gym and jiu jitsu too for them! So I have wearing my fat suit for quite a while now.

I want to learn and relearn. I want to improve and also change. I'm afraid that I'd regret it that I've been missing these things I gotta know in my life. I've been rereading my old Biology and Physics books. Believe it or not, an anime (Silver Spoon) did inspire me to relearn stuff. I've taken studying for granted when I was younger and now I want to know everything about Bio Chemistry and Food Nutrition.



The anime is all about a boy named Hachiken, a top-class student who enrolled himself not in a top-class high school but to a specialized school in Hokkaido far away from Tokyo. The high school is focused on agri-business and everything about food production. He might be a grade A student but he learns some advanced Science he has never heard of learning in high school before (GMOs, food science, pasturization, etc.). He also picks up some things that has changed his views and beliefs in life which is more valuable than any advanced Math formula in class in my opinion. I think the best thing about this anime is that as I learn about food and where it comes from, how it is processed, and etc. I appreciate it more and appreciate even more the hard work that my parents have done to put food on my plate. If you want something funny and also informative, you should check it out.

In other news, I've been painting, drawing, reading a lot too. I think I'm improving on painting and drawing but not quite at the level I could boast of.

I've been investing my time and money for something big. It is all still very elusive and unclear so for now, I'm just jotting down ideas and saving them for later. Maybe a small business venture, a new equipment, a part-time racket - definitely a life upgrade.

I'm still very unsure of the steps I am taking right now but I'm all-in and willing to take risks.

I will post some new music soon! I've been compiling one huge one for the past few weeks. I'm just unable to share them yet with so many things to do. I'm sorry.