All Kinds of Jazzy Shit!

Empty.

Röyksopp Forever


Happiness?

The most he could do was create a place where his heart - devoid now of any depth or weight - could be tethered, to keep it from wandering aimlessly.

Kino by Haruki Murakami

Röyksopp Something In My Heart

Charlie Gordon likes cool kids.

"I know I shouldn't hang around the college when I'm through at the lab, but seeing the young men and women going back and forth carrying books and hearing them talk about all the things they're learning in their classes excites me."

That is why we are having Cool Kids by Echosmith today.

“Intelligence is one of the the greatest human gifts. But all too often, a search for knowledge drives out the search for love. This is something else I've discovered for myself very recently. I present it to you as a hypothesis: Intelligence without the ability to give and receive affection leads to moral breakdown, to neurosis, and possibly even psychosis. And I say that the mind absorbed in and involved in itself as a self-centered end, to the exclusion of human relationships, can only lead to violence and pain.”

I think, of all the virtues I lack in the world, empathy is the one I lack the most. It could probably because I am young, selfish and unkind at the moment but part of myself tells me that I could just get on it when I am older and wiser. Right now, I reckon that, in my early 20's, I have to focus on my own self improvement and growth. 

“Intelligence and education that hasn't been tempered by human affection isn't worth a damn.” 

When I got time to think alone, I realized that I have been so desensitized that I don't even notice that I am starting to neglect the people I love and I hate. Anyway, I finished Flowers for Algernon (Daniel Keyes) a week ago and have reflected some of my views in life. The feeling was amplified actually, by the book. I feel that little by little, I am being benumbed by adulthood and my youth - my innocence and probably my honesty and sincerity, is gradually being swallowed piece by piece by my future older self. And you probably noticed. I did previously post some things that seem off and sullen.

I won't mention much about the book. I don't want to spoil it. It's an easy and fast read. You should be fine. The gist would be Charlie, a mentally challenged person, had been writing these progress reports as a means of documentation of the enhancement experiment done unto him. As he progresses in this experiment, he improves and becomes smarter and ultimately learns about adult things and learns to actually become one. It ends in a sad note where he realizes that sometimes however many languages you speak or however many awards and recognition you get, without the ability to recognize the people around you, you ought not to be content and happy.

“The only question now is: How much can I hang on to?” 

Not everyone agrees. I used to think I don't need anyone but my sister. I soon realized that my sister has her own life to struggle strangle with. She has her own set of friends and has her own universe to traverse in and I got to have my own one as well, and I need a different set of friends too, a different set of activities, and probably, a whole different set of clothes (haha!). 

“Because I want to see. I've got to know what's going to happen while I'm still enough in control to be able to do something about it.”

While I'm young, I feel that I need to start ahead and get things straightened. Or at least, get my life ready to be lived in. I can't just stay inside the house and watch my life through the window.

“I don’t know what’s worse: to not know what you are and be happy, or to become what you've always wanted to be, and feel alone.”

And lastly, here's some RAC!

...sometimes.
To set the mood I have here tracks from C R W N. His music sets a really subtle intimate mood.


More of the intimacy with the environment and the things around. Not just towards people. A little like how Tycho or maybe Spazzkid. or Stwo. or maybe more of Speak.

At the same time, I was also reading this book, Bird by Angela Johnson. It's about thirteen year olds running away from several things. They then have come to realize how to deal with heart breaks and not romantic heart aches. One boy would be dealing with the death of his younger brother. Another boy is dealing with growing up with a congenital heart disease. I'll stop there. It's a short book. One of the phrases that stuck with me though would be

"Nothing Makes You Feel Good sometimes".

Yes. Nothing feels good.
Reminds me of a theory I had when I was in 10th grade. People go about their lives empty. With a hole in their heart. Throughout people's lives, they look at several things to fill in that emptiness - the opposite sex, hobbies, games, work, travels and other less amicable platforms such as alcohol, smoking and drugs. Some people, those who never tried looking got stuck somewhere with the wrong key in their socket. Those people end up unhappy or wanting more. Some people find the right fit. Some people find nothing, which is for me, better than having something totally unnatural.

Reminds me, 2 weeks ago I was scavenging through heaps and heaps of audio over the web and I came across some really interesting music and podcasts. I also re-stumbled upon Radiolab and got to listen to a podcast related to nihilism itself.

http://www.radiolab.org/story/dust-planet/

I'm curious I'll probably get a copy of this book.

In the Dust of This Planet. Catchy!

I've been into Radiolab for a while now. For maybe 2 years already? Radiolab is a podcast of different natures with a mix of science. The hosts, Jad and Robert, tackle several topics in a very sensational way of storytelling. My favorites would be the shorts. Those shorts are backed up by some spectacular writing and intense sound effects and it just brings so much emotion compared to other ordinary podcasts. Have a listen. Don't worry about the science parts, they explain it so well that I think, even if I were only 10 years old, I'd still understand what they are saying.

Ohh. I'm starting to love late mornings alone.

Mark Haddon's A Spot Of Bother is enticing. It is about a man who gradually drowns in his own insanity in a very demure and subtle way. He goes through a period of silent surrender unto his own demons. I think the book is very fitting for people who have no idea how to deal with their personal issues or for people with a lot of family issues at home. I guess, in their own ways, the characters in the book, from degrading family relationships, managed to get up and fight their life struggles. This is especially emphasized on George, the main man in the book, who demonstrates us how one can gracefully diminish into madness and loneliness without causing too much impact and drama to his family and friends.

I won't give a lot of clues what to expect from the book. Just this, something from the book that I will probably take away and actually do when I get depressed or troubled by something or anything (except for number four, I wont tell why). I think these are good and helpful habits (maybe occasionally for five).

It is a good read. I thought it would be similar to Mark Haddon's The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime but this book is in a heavier and more serious mood, more suitable for older folks. Nonetheless, Haddon's articulate writing still reigns.