Personal Blog 2014-02-05: Fears and Insecurities

Today's music:

I don't know if it's sane to think this. Persons like you and me are numbered. We could live up to thirty, to forty, to fifty, and so on but we have counted years. I only have a single tiny body to go around and live with. People tell me to travel, socialize, see what else is beyond. Get to know more people, they say. Get to discover more places, they say. Get to own more souvenirs, they say. It works for them but not for everyone.

I only have twenty-four hours in a day and I spend nine for work, six for sleep and the rest are portioned to different people, places and things. I wish we could ask God for more but that's how it is.

I want to spend time with people I know and already care about. I like going around places I know but haven't explored. I don't need to own a lot junk, I just need things that last and live through time. I need things that stay.

I don't know. I want substance, not numbers. I just want to get the most out of whatever and it keeps me from dreaming bigger dreams. Keeps me from thinking of better situations, what ifs, what not. It keeps me simple, grounded, solid, focused and probably happy. It keeps me from regretting things.

Regret is an ugly word you get from seeing, feeling, dreaming more.

"People are getting around places, meeting groups, sharing times, where are you?" I'm where I'm supposed to be. I don't want to waste time.

I don't go around searching because you're searching when you have nothing. You're out there looking because you're empty. I want things to happen naturally, as if by accident, when and where they're supposed to be.

I appreciate permanence. It will be there, changing face, value, voice, and color, but the reason why you liked and loved a person, place, or thing will always be there. I am no anti. I want to treat them well, the people, places, things I already know and aware of, and that brings out the joy.

Do you own something you've had for a long time? It's hard to let it go. It brings out the joy.

Leave a Reply