But I haven't figured it out.
Alas, I need to re-examine myself.
I need to realize my short-comings before I bite the bullet.
And before it's all too late.
Ah, decisions, relations, and inhibitions.
On the side note, congratulations to Germany and the winning goal scorer, Mario Gotze. I really wanted Germany to win the FIFA World Cup 2014.
I'm listening to MTNS today. Such a cool and minty music for a cool and breezy day.
A while ago, a guy friend asked me how long does it take for girls to get over anyone/anything. He's in a quite a stupor right now. The gal he's dating seems to be stuck in dreaming of reconciling with her ex. She's still in a daze of her previous relationship which was purportedly also the girl's best friend for a long time. Rad. I told him to decide slowly and think on how much she likes this girl. But if this ensues, have an honest talk and confess on how awkward it is for him to be dating some one who still seems to be taken by someone else. Anyway, I hope him good luck.
From my experience, I realize that the best way to get over anything is to be busy with something else. When I have something interesting on hand, I usually lose track of time. Well, I can't speak for everyone. Only time can tell.
Lost Track of Time
It really is all up to you. For some people, they have a hard time moving on because of their own fears and insecurities.
Fears
In the mean time, enjoy the music of MTNS
When I am not able to listen to music, more likely, I will lack motivation to do good. It's a mental thing and I know, I need to learn. But having a beat in your head that you can follow to while moving about your business at work and at home is really helpful.
Honestly, soundcloud is really important to me. You can find here both popular and unpopular tracks in all possible genres but each artist with extreme passion for their music. It's addicting. Listening to other people's passions. Feeling the happiness, rage, sadness, elation and their struggles the moment they had made the tracks they upload. The feeling of connection to the effort and stress they have had to build this tune for maybe hours, days and even months for your ears. I might be overreacting but that's why I can't stop listening to music. You empathize with someone else on the other side of the world through a simple tune.
I present to you, my current set of playlists. I update them every so often. On a single day, one playlist would have 10 tracks, the next day, it could have 25 more. I skim through different artists and listen to their tracks everyday to keep myself running through anything at home and at the office, while on the road and in training. Please don't mind the titles/genres. They could be wrong. I'm a generally laid back kind of gal and I don't stress on putting on the correct genres of things. The only criteria would be I like listening to those tracks together.
EDM/Electronic/Tech/House/ETC
Workout/Gym/Jogging/ETC
Chill
I have a whole lot other 900+ and counting tracks jumbled into one ugly hair ball here. Here. And here.
Ray Bradbury on Title
I think I have played and completed Pokemon FireRed for 13 times now. It never fails to amuse me. I like it so much I can probably play it 13 times more. It's light and simple. It does not require you to get a 500 GB SSD, or a cooling system or an expensive NVIDIA graphics card or a console. It's simply there for you to enjoy.
I am very simple-minded to the point of naivety. I take joy from simple things and I prefer looking at things in it's simplest, truest form. I like doing things with less, maximizing all means, utilizing my time well.
I feel that in doing things, whether it be cooking a traditional meal or jogging, the simplest method is king. I think I get far more substance with it as well. I feel more fulfilled with taking enough, rather than being overwhelmed with too much. Having too much just complicates my psycho. I don't know what to do with it.
The more I know, the more I feel that I don't know. The more people I am with, the more I feel alone. The more food I eat, the more problems I get health-wise. The more meds I take, the more I feel weak. The more groups I belong to, the more I feel that I don't belong. The bigger the house I get, the more it feels less like home. The more cash I get, the more needy and poor I become. Is it just me or does this age just necessitates multiple layers of complexities - of misunderstandings?
Things, events, relationships are there for a purpose and isn't that purpose all that's there is to be. It's always better to have that reset button where things, people, events, become just the way they are supposed to be.
It's strange how everyone just wants more.
Maybe it's Time To Realize the real purpose of things and stop and focus there.
My mom said once, the best way to know if an ice cream company has good quality ice cream is to taste their vanilla ice cream. She said this because if you find joy in it's simplest truest form, it probably is a really good ice cream.
Up there is a Vonnegut flavored Title and some fluffy Lemaitre songs
Phew. It's been a while. I have nothing new on me right now. Just a thought or a side note that things I want can't all be mine. I need to learn to wait things out. For it to bear a sweeter fruit. I'm too hasty. With everything. Whether it be in baking, relationships, the stock market or in my career, I need to wait. I need the right timing.
Well, when everything's looking dim, I could just always submerge myself into deeper thought by listening to music.
Here's a a product of my devastation over losing things because of not waiting.
The Stock Market
I have no problem with you.
I don't mind your looks, nor your romance books,
It's just you don't give a flying fuck
whether you're stepping on someone else's luck.
Greedy Grinch, who can't be in a pinch,
We'll it's just game, we try, we lose and face the shame.
Praise God when we earn some gains,
Curse him when we lose the reigns.
But hey, you're free as a bird,
You have a brain to think and observe,
Don't go about on whatever's been heard.
And you can't blame me nor the Father Almighty,
Wolf, it just had to be.
Dang, I really feel bad for letting go of that DD.
The Society, people together for sobriety
but unfortunately, there's you and me,
Selfish and giddy,
who just can't help it but watch and be folly.
It's over. Enough.
All throughout I was smiling,
Well, bets are down, with regretful growls,
Too bad, fool, you thought you were winning.
You can't always win like the Gracies.
P.S. Chuck Palanhiuk's Rant on Title
Change always happens for the better. Maybe I'm a little too optimistic but I believe that the changes that have driven to be at the present are meant to be. I'm not saying everything is destined. It's a question of being. I think, it's just, those with the power to will things have willed things. Those who have ignored or failed to command their lives have let others, may it be other people or just certain events, will things for or against them.
But nonetheless, whether a person have done good or bad to his life, he needs to acknowledge it. The ground gets harder after the rain.
I have here a couple of lyrics I wrote today. Some thoughts out of flow. Topic of interest? Change. It could be a song but right now, it's just a personal note. Maybe someday, when I get my mind working over the keyboard.
Where can I get eyes to get to see the reasons why we are to be?
I've lost all the words inside my head, no identity or plan, forgo,
let the heart speak profound and be,
that critic inside your brain have no good words to say.
Only profound insensibilities that dry out your body frail.
Drought, the soul is thirsty for change.
Adore and endure, no matter where you go,
you can't get left behind or be blind.
The tides have gone high and low,
all you have to do is open that tiny box up your head,
and let go of the reins and take the fall.
I've been getting fond of flowers or anything floral lately. They've been piling up in my gallery.
Something so ethereal about them.
It's so wrong to feel apathetic towards people with less but that's just how I feel right now given the economic restraints and the political awareness needed in my country at the moment. I feel no remorse nor any kind of pity for people who beg for a living. I feel no pity because they don't have self-respect.
I admire people who have very limited economic freedom and was born in such a lowly position and yet do not juxtapose themselves as pitiful. They are penniless but still full of hope and strength. People look down at them but they humbly and courageously look up and make their climb up the ladder. They live on and work hard for their own and their family's futures.
They have dreams.
How easy is it for you to trust?
How do you measure or weigh trust?
How do you get people to trust?
I'm a fool and no matter how I think about it, it's difficult to come by. It's a valuable resource. It's an asset. Once it's lost, it's hard to rebuild. Businesses, deals, networks, relationships, lives are based on trust. Who do we trust?
I've been thinking. I trust because I entrust my future, whatever kind of future it is. I trust a bank because I entrust the future of my monetary resources. I trust the company because I entrust a portion of my future career and growth to them. I trust my friends and family because I am assured of their care and company for a lifetime or length of time in the future. And with my trust on them, they trust on me too. What is trust made out of then? Conditions? Money? Faith? Can trust be unconditional? Even if I trust, I am unsure if my trust is enough to give me a good future. My future depends on those who I entrust and how I trust.
Thinking of the future is such a nuisance.
I'm young and still a fool. My judgement is not solid. All I can lean onto is myself and the trust I've given the people and communities around me.
I just need to hang on and trust. Tiwala.
trust #staystrongexo
Could we all stop for a short moment and appreciate La Roux's new single Let Me Down Gently which is finally on soundcloud.
Not all people agree but I think she's timeless. I mean, besides from Robyn and Madonna, she one of those people I go back to and listen. She's one of those people to watch out for. She has her own style, her own genre and I think it works!
Let Me Down Gently
Let me down gently,
Let me down gently,
That's what I think I need.
But when you let me down gently,
It still feels it hard, hard.
Turn me into someone good.
That’s what I really need.
Tell me that I’m someone good
So we’re not so far apart, apart.
I hope it doesn't seem like I’m young, foolish and green.
Let me in for a minute,
You're not my life but I want you in it.
Set me up slowly,
That’s what you do to me.
Oh you set me up slowly
Now I can’t come down, down.
Let you down gently,
That's what I think you need.
But when I let you down gently,
And you try to hide your frowns, frowns.
I hope it doesn't seem like I’m young, foolish and green.
Let me in for a minute,
You're not my life but I want you in it
And I hope it's sinking in,
Left behind your perfect skin.
There’s a part of you that’s free
And I know that there’s a place for me.
Let me down gently
That's what I think I need
But when you let me down gently
It still feels it hard, hard.
Turn me into someone good
That’s what I really need.
Tell me that I’m someone good
So we're not so far apart, apart
(Let me down, let me down)
I hope it doesn't seem like I'm young and foolish and green.
Let me in for a minute,
You're not my life but I want you in it.
And I hope it's sinking in,
Left behind your perfect skin.
There’s a part of you that’s free
And I know there’s a place for me.
The lyrics though, they're golden. No matter how people say that her music sounds weird or off, her lyrics are golden. I think this is one of the main reasons why I really like her songs. When I listen to her, I just can't but leave the repeat button on.
In for the Kill
We can fight our desires,
But when we start making fires.
We get ever so hot,
Whether we like it or not.
They say we can love who we trust,
But what is love without lust?
Two hearts with accurate devotion,
What are feelings without emotions?
I'm going in for the kill.
I'm doing it for a thrill.
Oh, I'm hoping you'll understand.
And not let go of my hand.
I'm going in for the kill.
I'm doing it for a thrill.
Oh, I'm hoping you'll understand.
And not let go of my hand.
I had my hopes out on the line.
Well, they'll be ready for you in time.
If you leave them out too long,
They'll be withered by the sun.
Full stops and exclamation marks,
My heart stopped moving 'fore I start.
How far can you send emotions?
Can this bridge cross the ocean?
I'm going in for the kill.
I'm doing it for a thrill.
Oh, I'm hoping you'll understand.
And not let go of my hand.
I'm going in for the kill.
I'm doing it for a thrill.
Oh, I'm hoping you'll understand.
And not let go of my hand.
Let's go to war to make peace.
Let's be cold to create heat.
I hope in darkness we can see.
And you're not blinded by the light from me.
Ohhhh.
Ohhhh.
I'm going in for the kill.
I'm doing it for a thrill.
Oh, I'm hoping you'll understand.
And not let go of my hand.
One of her more popular songs, Bulletproof, thanks to Anna Kendrick and the film, Perfect Pitch. I bet you haven't heard this original version. Don't mention it. You're welcome.
I basically like all of her released songs but I really wish she writes some more slow songs.
There are times when you are up all night working/slacking because you can't sleep. When insomnia strikes you at the wrong hour, at the wrong day, you're left with nothing but a wandering mind and tired still open eyes.
Darn it.
And your brain keeps running, keeping you from sleeping. Making a fuss about those little creaks and noises out your window. Keeping you creative with your imagination until that thought strikes. That thought when you are compelled to think about your life and what you are doing and the purpose why you are still on earth. You try to think of other more trivial things like flowers and unicorns but you can't escape. Anything you think of just points back to these weird-ass crazy life philosophical questions. You want to stop but you're left there all night, eyes wide open, sleep deprived, worrying about your life.
It sucks.
It sucks.
So yesterday, I was up all night, lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, conjuring up why I lack success drive in life. I need a motivation to move forward. I want to have a motivation that's immaterial but I just kept thinking about things like new shoes, new house, new car, new country. I want a motivation that relates to my future and other people but can't even motivate myself to work hard for other people.
So a few hours later, I gave up on trying to sleep and on that future-life idea and listened to Cherub's music. Have a great time listening to them. And sleep well too.
Nande Wakaru No, Mr Little Jeans
Weather is belligerent.
Feedback is abominable.
Work is suppressive.
Got my phone stolen. Got scolded. Had a bad hair cut. Shit happens and I know I don't have a reason to complain. What do I know. I shouldn't be too hard on myself or on anyone.
It's not a great day but it doesn't mean I can't have great music. I could just listen to Mr Little Jeans.
I could learn from my mistakes and just go Back to the Start.
This day shall pass and all of this is just a Good Mistake.
I could learn from my mistakes and just go Back to the Start.
But maybe it's easier to Runaway
to somewhere not so far, maybe to the Suburbs.
to somewhere not so far, maybe to the Suburbs.
Just ignore the random meows throughout his songs.
Lately, on my free time, when I'm not painting, working out, cleaning or reading, I've been playing Tiny Farm. I blame Silver Spoon. I don't play it that often though. Maybe once or twice in three days? When I have time only.
I've been looking for reader apps and I found Feedly. I hate the fact that it only reads recent posts. I don't like it because what I usually do is read from the least recent post of the blog or site I am following and read up to the present. Sometimes, I don't read everything so I just bookmark the last page I've read.
Anyway, the reason why I needed a blog reader is because the other day, I was up all night/morning for work and I stumbled upon this gallery. It's a community of amazing Japanese artists. It's mixed, some of them do digital art, some do fixtures and figures but I like those who do traditional art. I like all of them! I especially liked and bookmarked the following artists.
Capsule by zain7 on deviantART
kitchen by zain7 on deviantART
I don't remember how I got to check them out. I was just clicking links like there's no tomorrow.
And this is not my cat. It's a stray cat I found while walking.
Don't forget to check out Cashmere Cat and the artists! They're great. Bye-ni!
As per previous email, at the moment, I am really snowed under and I'm deep down there.
Have you ever had those days when you thought things were going the right direction only to realize that you're the one going on the the wrong direction? Mistakes, I keep on doing them. And I've been doing them unconsciously over and over. I got to redo things because I redid things I shouldn't have. This is why I've been so busy. Dang, I feel like I haven't slept for weeks. So this is how it feels like to be busy and living? I never felt so compelled to work so hard and at the same time yearn for more sleep. I guess I feel more like an adult now.
Well, people do need something to keep on going on right? I got myself listening to Last Lynx. I really like their song Killing Switch though I like their other songs too. Wow, it's been more than a year since I got to know them.
I like that they're versatile. They keep changing up their music (in a good way). I feel like they always give me a different vibe every time they release new music. They're like that friend who changes his or her image every time a break ends, comes back looking better and mature all the time.
This time Last Lynx gives us more pop with a littler dark indie overtone. I do like their usual funk just like on Killing Switch but I think this works too.
I have been slacking deliberately for the past few weeks. That's why I have not been showing up here or anywhere. It's not that I don't want to do anything significant. It's just work has been unruly and I've trying to change gears lately in my life. Now I'm just waiting (though still continuous) for my efforts to grow.
I want to do so many things let alone achieve things in my life.
I want to provide for the people I love. To cook for them, to furnish them a clean and safe home, to spend more time and enjoy some leisure hours with them. I've been cooking more lately. I've been missing gym and jiu jitsu too for them! So I have wearing my fat suit for quite a while now.
I want to learn and relearn. I want to improve and also change. I'm afraid that I'd regret it that I've been missing these things I gotta know in my life. I've been rereading my old Biology and Physics books. Believe it or not, an anime (Silver Spoon) did inspire me to relearn stuff. I've taken studying for granted when I was younger and now I want to know everything about Bio Chemistry and Food Nutrition.
The anime is all about a boy named Hachiken, a top-class student who enrolled himself not in a top-class high school but to a specialized school in Hokkaido far away from Tokyo. The high school is focused on agri-business and everything about food production. He might be a grade A student but he learns some advanced Science he has never heard of learning in high school before (GMOs, food science, pasturization, etc.). He also picks up some things that has changed his views and beliefs in life which is more valuable than any advanced Math formula in class in my opinion. I think the best thing about this anime is that as I learn about food and where it comes from, how it is processed, and etc. I appreciate it more and appreciate even more the hard work that my parents have done to put food on my plate. If you want something funny and also informative, you should check it out.
In other news, I've been painting, drawing, reading a lot too. I think I'm improving on painting and drawing but not quite at the level I could boast of.
I've been investing my time and money for something big. It is all still very elusive and unclear so for now, I'm just jotting down ideas and saving them for later. Maybe a small business venture, a new equipment, a part-time racket - definitely a life upgrade.
I'm still very unsure of the steps I am taking right now but I'm all-in and willing to take risks.
I will post some new music soon! I've been compiling one huge one for the past few weeks. I'm just unable to share them yet with so many things to do. I'm sorry.
Lately, I've been encouraging myself to take things seriously. I need to start learning to commit to things. It's difficult! I like change but it seems like I get to do different things and I can't focus into excelling in a single task. Does that happen to you? I want to do many things at the same time but I don't have time. I wanna do more but I do less since I can't do everything. I need to adhere more.
Oh, commitment issues.
Backtracking a bit the past few days. Listening to Neon Trees today.
Let's start with Everybody Talks.
I've been told that I can be a little to bold or sometimes I come off as rude when making a statement. Well, in my defense, I don't really want to be mean or rude. Maybe I was just being honest when asked for an opinion.
Lessons in Love
It might be because my voice is too loud or maybe my intonation when speaking? My manner of putting words and thoughts together? Damn. Maybe I'll try talking more slowly. Sometimes words just come out of impulse to reply. Out of the rush of thinking of a reply, I say what I am thinking without autocorrect. Ha.
Sleeping With A Friend
Animal
